trying to make sense but really grasping at ghosts more i try to avoid it the more it hurts and the more i try to attack it the more it hurts i don't even want to use a pronoun here that pronoun is laden with so much meaning and significance and identity i don't even remember before i don't remember how to exist i can't get my head around what it is that i might have to do and what i want to say here i can't i just can't pleasei don't think anyone is reading this, but if you are, i'm sorry, i couldn't find a pen