THE JUICE
[enhancement:reach]
[retrival:journalling]
[obsolescence: op-ed]
[reversal:narcissism]
[retrival:journalling]
[obsolescence: op-ed]
[reversal:narcissism]
Sunday, February 26, 2006
GET OFF THE INTERNET!! APK-47
I'm back and I'm black. Devotees will notice that there's been a bit of a lull in my blogpotence lately. I've had a lot going on and part of that entailed me leaving town.
Back to London for part of good ol' "Reading Week". My father did not know how to purchase or set up a computer so I went back to do that stuff for him, as well as to see some VIP's of the London scene...
The following happened on the unstoppable London, Ontario Tuesday night, the night that dreams are made of!! I apologize for the picture quality... These were developed by "Stacy" at the Wal-Mart photo centre.
I rolled over to Calvin's parent's crib at 41 Lloyd Manor Crescent in London, Ontario to start the evening. We were going to head down to the Alex P. Keaton later, so we proceeded to get pre-drunk and brainstorm ideas for the evening.
I had an idea. It wasn't great... After a few minutes of deliberation, we decided instead to ressurect an old classic. GET OFF THAT THING! Get off that thing! is a game of our invention circa 2001. Basically, in order to play, you need two or more people (three or more is best, but it can be played with two), climbing skills, pointing skills, and photo-taking skills. Player one finds a thing, and gets on it. Player two points at player one and says, clearly and commandingly, "get off that thing!". Player two or player three document the event using a preferably disposeable camera. This night's "GET OFF THAT THING!" was dedicated to Josh Zaslow.
Calvin demonstrates, with the assistance of his sister Tess, who was more than glad to leave her math homework and Winter Olympics viewing to play GET OFF THAT THING!
At the Alex P. Keaton. This picture is included for clarity's sake. Despite what appears to be an obvious instance of GET OFF THAT THING!, there is no such activity going on here. Calvin is merely on a thing. That is all. Just making sure you're still following.
We needed reinforcements. It's hard to play GET OFF THAT THING! with only two people.
Our good buddy dayn came along after work and brought with him Alex Dodd, recent refugee of far reaches of space galaxy. Here Alex Dodd and Calvin show the camera how many middle fingers they have. That's right, Alex Dodd has NO middle fingers.*
Brie had been pounding Martinis back at the bar with the highest "who gives a fuck what we call it" quality in London, The Martini Bar. She dragged her friend Danielle down to the APK to enjoy the lovely atmosphere.
Oh now that's what I'm talking about! Dayn got us going by getting on the neighbour's table. Alex Dodd said "GET OFF THAT THING!" like a champ and exhibited excellent locked-elbow full-extention pointing technique. Calvin snuck in for the Klingon point like the Kelly Gruber he is, but he made up for his attempted glory stealing by displaying uncanny point-parrallelism with Alex.
I got on the window. I think this is a pretty good one because Dayn is telling me to GET OFF THAT THING!, but oh, the irony! I was using Dayn for support the whole time! Also, I need to say, this is kind of a half-assed point. His whole body language is wrong. I just don't believe Dayn in his heart truly wants me to get off that thing. He is better at getting on things than he is at telling people to get off them. I'd rather get off that thing than get off your mom, Dayn!
Danielle did not want to be photgraphed but still wanted to play along. Her empty drink got on top of her full drink. Brie and I both said "GET OFF THAT THING!" and mixed it up a bit by simultanenously employing both overhand and underhand pointing technique. Also note again, excellent pointing parallelsim.
Ok here is a much better effort from Dayn. Notice the double-point he employed here. He is pointing at Alex Dodd to tell him to GET OFF THAT THING!, but just in case Alex was is not clear about what he is supposed to be getting off of, Dayn is also pointing at THAT THING! Brilliant. Even Calvin, a seasoned GET OFF THAT THING! pro, was stunned. I also like the severe angles on the pointing arms. Very action. Very action.
Brie and I went outside, where she delivered one of the best facial reactions to being told to GET OFF THAT THING! that I have ever seen. It looks like a deer in the headlights being told to GET OFF THAT THING!, in that case, the thing probably being the road. Right before this, she tried to get on this homeless guy who was drinking outside of the APK, but he didn't really understand GET OFF THAT THING!, and he thought we were trying to kick him off of the patio, and then he started telling us that it was his birthday, and then he got kicked off the patio for real by a bouncer. Happy Birthday!
Then we high-fived some stop signs for a while and went home.
There is fucking nothing to do in London.
It's really good to be back in Torono.
But GET OFF THAT THING! is the game of the gods.
The next morning I ate english muffins in Brie's parents' kitchen while we killed the roll of photos. I was talking to Tristan on the phone about how Alex Dodd doesn't have any middle fingers.
"Isn't that fucked?" I said.
"Uh, are you sure about that?", replied Tristan.
"Yeah man, I have photographic evidence"
"Wow, ok. I'll see you tonight then, later."
"Goodbye, friend."
And that was the last time I heard from Tristan. May he rest in peace.
*Damn I wish I could have put captions like that in my High School yearbook. Wait, I guess I could have. Fuck.
Back to London for part of good ol' "Reading Week". My father did not know how to purchase or set up a computer so I went back to do that stuff for him, as well as to see some VIP's of the London scene...
The following happened on the unstoppable London, Ontario Tuesday night, the night that dreams are made of!! I apologize for the picture quality... These were developed by "Stacy" at the Wal-Mart photo centre.
I rolled over to Calvin's parent's crib at 41 Lloyd Manor Crescent in London, Ontario to start the evening. We were going to head down to the Alex P. Keaton later, so we proceeded to get pre-drunk and brainstorm ideas for the evening.
I had an idea. It wasn't great... After a few minutes of deliberation, we decided instead to ressurect an old classic. GET OFF THAT THING! Get off that thing! is a game of our invention circa 2001. Basically, in order to play, you need two or more people (three or more is best, but it can be played with two), climbing skills, pointing skills, and photo-taking skills. Player one finds a thing, and gets on it. Player two points at player one and says, clearly and commandingly, "get off that thing!". Player two or player three document the event using a preferably disposeable camera. This night's "GET OFF THAT THING!" was dedicated to Josh Zaslow.
Calvin demonstrates, with the assistance of his sister Tess, who was more than glad to leave her math homework and Winter Olympics viewing to play GET OFF THAT THING!
At the Alex P. Keaton. This picture is included for clarity's sake. Despite what appears to be an obvious instance of GET OFF THAT THING!, there is no such activity going on here. Calvin is merely on a thing. That is all. Just making sure you're still following.
We needed reinforcements. It's hard to play GET OFF THAT THING! with only two people.
Our good buddy dayn came along after work and brought with him Alex Dodd, recent refugee of far reaches of space galaxy. Here Alex Dodd and Calvin show the camera how many middle fingers they have. That's right, Alex Dodd has NO middle fingers.*
Brie had been pounding Martinis back at the bar with the highest "who gives a fuck what we call it" quality in London, The Martini Bar. She dragged her friend Danielle down to the APK to enjoy the lovely atmosphere.
Oh now that's what I'm talking about! Dayn got us going by getting on the neighbour's table. Alex Dodd said "GET OFF THAT THING!" like a champ and exhibited excellent locked-elbow full-extention pointing technique. Calvin snuck in for the Klingon point like the Kelly Gruber he is, but he made up for his attempted glory stealing by displaying uncanny point-parrallelism with Alex.
I got on the window. I think this is a pretty good one because Dayn is telling me to GET OFF THAT THING!, but oh, the irony! I was using Dayn for support the whole time! Also, I need to say, this is kind of a half-assed point. His whole body language is wrong. I just don't believe Dayn in his heart truly wants me to get off that thing. He is better at getting on things than he is at telling people to get off them. I'd rather get off that thing than get off your mom, Dayn!
Danielle did not want to be photgraphed but still wanted to play along. Her empty drink got on top of her full drink. Brie and I both said "GET OFF THAT THING!" and mixed it up a bit by simultanenously employing both overhand and underhand pointing technique. Also note again, excellent pointing parallelsim.
Ok here is a much better effort from Dayn. Notice the double-point he employed here. He is pointing at Alex Dodd to tell him to GET OFF THAT THING!, but just in case Alex was is not clear about what he is supposed to be getting off of, Dayn is also pointing at THAT THING! Brilliant. Even Calvin, a seasoned GET OFF THAT THING! pro, was stunned. I also like the severe angles on the pointing arms. Very action. Very action.
Brie and I went outside, where she delivered one of the best facial reactions to being told to GET OFF THAT THING! that I have ever seen. It looks like a deer in the headlights being told to GET OFF THAT THING!, in that case, the thing probably being the road. Right before this, she tried to get on this homeless guy who was drinking outside of the APK, but he didn't really understand GET OFF THAT THING!, and he thought we were trying to kick him off of the patio, and then he started telling us that it was his birthday, and then he got kicked off the patio for real by a bouncer. Happy Birthday!
Then we high-fived some stop signs for a while and went home.There is fucking nothing to do in London.
It's really good to be back in Torono.
But GET OFF THAT THING! is the game of the gods.
The next morning I ate english muffins in Brie's parents' kitchen while we killed the roll of photos. I was talking to Tristan on the phone about how Alex Dodd doesn't have any middle fingers."Isn't that fucked?" I said.
"Uh, are you sure about that?", replied Tristan.
"Yeah man, I have photographic evidence"
"Wow, ok. I'll see you tonight then, later."
"Goodbye, friend."
And that was the last time I heard from Tristan. May he rest in peace.
*Damn I wish I could have put captions like that in my High School yearbook. Wait, I guess I could have. Fuck.
Wednesday, February 15, 2006
bobble-head steve jobble-head
So for some strange reason I find myself really really really really intrigued about the new Outkast album. Is this strange? For me, yes. It was supposed to come out today, too. But now it's in March. I know they are doing this to fuck with me.
Also in the department of "for some strange reason" I am downloading the new Matchbook Romance album. I can imagine it's nothing but crappy crap crap, but I like to give new albums by bands I once liked at least one spin before tossing them in the junker (Metric, anyone?). The stars totally aligned for MR this time: Valentines Day falls on a tuesday this year (that's new CD day, for all you 99cents/song types), and the name of their band has the word "romance" in it. I'll bet they think they're really clever for capitalizing on that one.
I know so many people depend on this blog for music suggestions and my iPod was out of juice today and yesterday so I'm a little bitter like "if I can't listen to good music that I like why should I tell other people about good music, who probably don't even read this and defiately don't care".
But FUCK IT i'll give it a shot:
Basic Cadence - "This Side UP"
Jesus - "B.I.B.L.E. Mixtapes part 2: Street Noize"
the Beatles
FUCK YOU
Also in the department of "for some strange reason" I am downloading the new Matchbook Romance album. I can imagine it's nothing but crappy crap crap, but I like to give new albums by bands I once liked at least one spin before tossing them in the junker (Metric, anyone?). The stars totally aligned for MR this time: Valentines Day falls on a tuesday this year (that's new CD day, for all you 99cents/song types), and the name of their band has the word "romance" in it. I'll bet they think they're really clever for capitalizing on that one.
I know so many people depend on this blog for music suggestions and my iPod was out of juice today and yesterday so I'm a little bitter like "if I can't listen to good music that I like why should I tell other people about good music, who probably don't even read this and defiately don't care".
But FUCK IT i'll give it a shot:
Basic Cadence - "This Side UP"
Jesus - "B.I.B.L.E. Mixtapes part 2: Street Noize"
the Beatles
FUCK YOU
Thursday, February 09, 2006
ear massage
I love the new Belle & Sebasitan record to death and it's probably what Jesus would listen to if he was an indie kid ("Dude, this Kid 606 is so fucking mindblowing - hey pass the bong - you won't tell my dad, right?"), but I've got to admit I listened to it like eleventy times in the past five days 'cause I'm an idiot with no foresight like that. Now I need to give it some rest for a week or so. So we have a reccomendation from the vaults today, I slipped it into the blog discretely a while back but it never really had a proper share of the limelight. It's one of those under-the-radar albums that you have forever and you don't listen to all that much but after a coupe years it's like "Oh hey, you, good to see you" and you realize that it really was one of your favourite albums all along, and you go spin around in a meadow and blow the puffy things off the dandelions and spoon and think about how you'd like to buy the world a Coke. Kind of like how I feel about the At the Drive-In album, or Blur's "13". A little. Anyways today I reccomend, from front to back:
The Sleepy Jackson - "Lovers"
The Sleepy Jackson - "Lovers"
paging dr. quinn
The new glasses continue to reveal the hidden wonders of my environment to me. Chinatown is always a visual spectacle and their signage is especially noteworthy. Although I've always been aware of some humorous head-scratchers along the Queen - College strip ("Spadina Fruits & Fruits"), I've recently been able to pick out some smaller typefaces from the safety of my fish-market-odour-proof 510 streetcar. Today:
"PETE SAMPRAS FURS"
Two problems:
ONE: I am approximately 96% sure that retired international tennis superstar and former Wimbledon Champion Pete Sampras neither owns, operates, or endorses a Fur Merchant in Toronto's Chinatown. I must admit though, that this is a possibility; I'm really not sure what Mr. Sampras is doing with himself post-tennis. I strongly suspect it involves supermodels and Bentley's, yahting and champagne, and P. Diddy shows up in there somewhere, 'cause he likes to stick his nose into everything, 'cause he's P. Diddy and he's like that.
TWO: Pete Sampras is not Chinese. I will ask Lisa Chau (my go-to consultant for all matters Chinese and haircuts) for confirmation of this, but I'm pretty gosh darn sure.
"PETE SAMPRAS FURS"
Two problems:
ONE: I am approximately 96% sure that retired international tennis superstar and former Wimbledon Champion Pete Sampras neither owns, operates, or endorses a Fur Merchant in Toronto's Chinatown. I must admit though, that this is a possibility; I'm really not sure what Mr. Sampras is doing with himself post-tennis. I strongly suspect it involves supermodels and Bentley's, yahting and champagne, and P. Diddy shows up in there somewhere, 'cause he likes to stick his nose into everything, 'cause he's P. Diddy and he's like that.
TWO: Pete Sampras is not Chinese. I will ask Lisa Chau (my go-to consultant for all matters Chinese and haircuts) for confirmation of this, but I'm pretty gosh darn sure.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
the blacks will be white and the whites will be black but the blues are still blue
Marshall McLuhan. I find him dizzying, but I'm really starting to understand it; I must say he's growing on me. That said, I must finish and understand his "Laws of Media: The New Science" book in time to write a paper on it for 3pm tomorrow.
So I just went to get a coffee. The Queen & Augusta Second Cup is warm, and probably the only open thing between my apt. and Spadina that's not a vegan joint or a bar.
Along the way:
I love having glasses. I can see so much more of everything. But it's kind of unsettling to see how many people look at me as I go. Maybe it's 'cause I'm looking at them. I don't know
I want laser eye surgery.
There are lesbians making out in the window of the Tequila Bookworm (vegan joint).
The dude that sells all the crap on the sidewalk in front of his "gallery" (not a vegan joint or a bar) is still open at 1045 on a cold Tuesday night.
Imagine one of those stupid patterned polar fleece court-jester hats breeding with a Native American headdress. There is a dude smoking and wearing the offspring of that unholy union in front of Epicure.
Back at the ranch, some business:
Today it was bright and sunny, I was wearing an awesome gift from a special person and the new Belle and Sebastian album came out. If you do not love it, you do also do not love the following: life, hooks, rhymes, joy, feeling the silky air across your body, and the first line of the Tragically Hip's "Something On"*. Therefore, today's reccomendation, a reccomendation which supercedes all preceeding reccomendations (excepting Balls):
Belle & Sebastian - "The Life Pursuit"
On a heavier note:
Something died under my care today. I feel really fucking horrible about it, because it was a friend of mine in a special way, and it meant something to someone close to me in a special way. Details to follow shortly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
* "Your imagination's having puppies..."
So I just went to get a coffee. The Queen & Augusta Second Cup is warm, and probably the only open thing between my apt. and Spadina that's not a vegan joint or a bar.
Along the way:
I love having glasses. I can see so much more of everything. But it's kind of unsettling to see how many people look at me as I go. Maybe it's 'cause I'm looking at them. I don't know
I want laser eye surgery.
There are lesbians making out in the window of the Tequila Bookworm (vegan joint).
The dude that sells all the crap on the sidewalk in front of his "gallery" (not a vegan joint or a bar) is still open at 1045 on a cold Tuesday night.
Imagine one of those stupid patterned polar fleece court-jester hats breeding with a Native American headdress. There is a dude smoking and wearing the offspring of that unholy union in front of Epicure.
Back at the ranch, some business:
Today it was bright and sunny, I was wearing an awesome gift from a special person and the new Belle and Sebastian album came out. If you do not love it, you do also do not love the following: life, hooks, rhymes, joy, feeling the silky air across your body, and the first line of the Tragically Hip's "Something On"*. Therefore, today's reccomendation, a reccomendation which supercedes all preceeding reccomendations (excepting Balls):
Belle & Sebastian - "The Life Pursuit"
On a heavier note:
Something died under my care today. I feel really fucking horrible about it, because it was a friend of mine in a special way, and it meant something to someone close to me in a special way. Details to follow shortly.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
* "Your imagination's having puppies..."
Thursday, February 02, 2006
i'm glad there's no tax on quotation marks
You run!
You slide!
You hit the jump -
AND TAKE A DIVE!
Great, now that that's out of the way, we can get down to business. First off, old business: let's review the minutes from last meeting. Regarding my previous music recomendation of the "Sun Sun Sun" record by The Elected. Do not listen to this album if you are a fan of Rilo Kiley, especially their excellent recent effort "More Adventurous". The Elected is Rilo Kiley member Blake Sennett, and his record is a carbon copy of "More Adventurous"; the vocals decidedly less sexy than those of Rilo Kiley frontwoman Jenny Lewis. Don't know about you, but I'd rather listen to the real thing.
Also in the Rilo Kiley department, and speaking of Jenny Lewis, do not listen to Jenny Lewis' new solo album, "Rabbit Fur Coat". It is mall-store Neko Case for those more inclined to Dolly Parton than Joanna Newsome. Balls!
Therefore, today, I reccomend the following:
Rilo Kiley - "More Adventurous"
Neko Case - "The Tigers Have Spoken"
Balls! - "Balls!"
Ok, on to today's agenda:
I saw the most inspiring liscence plate slogan I have ever seen today.
Washington D.C.: "Taxation Without Representation". In your face, "Virginia is for Lovers", and "Je me souviens"! "Taxation Without Representation" is one balsy liscence plate, I'm telling you. Basically the story is this: The District of Columbia is a United States Territory, but not a state, in much the same way as Puerto Rico, and lots of those other little doormat countries. Like citizens of other states, D.C. denziens are fully taxed and are eligible for the draft and other regulations, but they have no voting representation in congress. So the municipal government issues some lovely smart-assed stick-it-to-the-man liscence plates. Whoo! They're trying to get "Taxation Without Representation" added to the District's flag as well.
In his last year in office, Big Billy Clinton had all the White House limousines fitted with the "Taxation Without Representation" plates. Dubya took them off while Bill's chair was still warm.
You slide!
You hit the jump -
AND TAKE A DIVE!
Great, now that that's out of the way, we can get down to business. First off, old business: let's review the minutes from last meeting. Regarding my previous music recomendation of the "Sun Sun Sun" record by The Elected. Do not listen to this album if you are a fan of Rilo Kiley, especially their excellent recent effort "More Adventurous". The Elected is Rilo Kiley member Blake Sennett, and his record is a carbon copy of "More Adventurous"; the vocals decidedly less sexy than those of Rilo Kiley frontwoman Jenny Lewis. Don't know about you, but I'd rather listen to the real thing.
Also in the Rilo Kiley department, and speaking of Jenny Lewis, do not listen to Jenny Lewis' new solo album, "Rabbit Fur Coat". It is mall-store Neko Case for those more inclined to Dolly Parton than Joanna Newsome. Balls!
Therefore, today, I reccomend the following:
Rilo Kiley - "More Adventurous"
Neko Case - "The Tigers Have Spoken"
Balls! - "Balls!"
Ok, on to today's agenda:
I saw the most inspiring liscence plate slogan I have ever seen today.
Washington D.C.: "Taxation Without Representation". In your face, "Virginia is for Lovers", and "Je me souviens"! "Taxation Without Representation" is one balsy liscence plate, I'm telling you. Basically the story is this: The District of Columbia is a United States Territory, but not a state, in much the same way as Puerto Rico, and lots of those other little doormat countries. Like citizens of other states, D.C. denziens are fully taxed and are eligible for the draft and other regulations, but they have no voting representation in congress. So the municipal government issues some lovely smart-assed stick-it-to-the-man liscence plates. Whoo! They're trying to get "Taxation Without Representation" added to the District's flag as well.
In his last year in office, Big Billy Clinton had all the White House limousines fitted with the "Taxation Without Representation" plates. Dubya took them off while Bill's chair was still warm.