Following my APK GET OFF THAT THING! post, and the subsequent History of GET OFF THAT THING! post, Jess has been haranguing me to get her in on a game. I felt like this was the perfect occasion to propose such a trial run. Jess has been anticipaing this for a while; she had already chosen her preferred role in the game:
"I think I'd be really good at getting on things. I can't see myself really authoritatively telling people to get off of things, but I think I'd really like to get on some things."
Or she said something like that anyway. It's funny, 'cause I always had her pegged for more of a "Player 2" than a "Player 1". Here is her first attempt. Jess got on the windowsil beside our table. She got up there with a lot of enthusiasm, but "Sorry Jess", I'm not buying it. That facial expression ooozes nervousness and embarassment. Is that blushing? Jess is blushing. That's a big no-no. Also what's with the lah-deee-da jazz hands Jess? It's your first try, but so far I'm not impressed. Now that said, this is about the WORST job I have ever done telling someone to GET OFF THAT THING! I look like a fucking trout or something, and that point is just flacid. Bad effort all-around - not a good way to get started.


This guy is the real loser though. He looks a hell of a lot like a guy I used to go to high-school whose name is phoenetically identical to mine, but that's not his problem. After Jess got down from that thing, we felt like we had some momentum, were in the process of explaining the game to a nearby group, with the eventual goal of getting on their table and playing GET OFF THAT THING! Then this cheif (I fucking guarantee his name is like, Chad, or Jeremy or something of equivalent douchery, like Jayson with a "y") decides to get on the thing that Jess just got off of! This is a MAJOR violation of GET OFF THAT THING! ethics. You NEVER get on the same thing that someone just got off of. If you think you can do it better, you don't try to upstage them on the same thing, you get yourself on a different, nearby thing. Duane here got what was coming to him though, 'cause he immediately got his ass kicked out of the bar. Sorry Mongo, next time let us finish explaining the rules!


Alright this is much better. It has a lot to do with Brie's involvement, as she is officially the best female GET OFF THAT THING! player ever, and definately one of the very best overall. She simply cannot believe that Jess is on that thing. Brie is pissed, and she means business. Looking at this picture, I can hear her camp-counsellor voice demanding that Jess GET OFF THAT THING! Hand on hip, great underhand point with a tonne of wrist action, and notice the excellent alignment of point and stare. It's unsettling. *Shiver*. Jess is also doing a waaaaay better job in this one than in her first try. I think we can chalk the initial awkwardness up to inexperience. She's confident and in charge here, and looks like a statue. She needs a fur hat, a Scottish flag, some pelts, a canoe, a Native-Canadian friend, and like a harbour and a mountain and an exploding munitions ship in the background and she could be on the cover of my 8th grade history textbook. Much more determination showing in the facial expression; the embarassment has been replaced with stubbornness. I also like the the repetition shown in Jess' and Brie's elbow positions. I should clarify what this guy is doing here. He is the thing. He looks like the sort of guy who doesn't mind being objectified. His total lack of knowledge as to "what is going on here" is made apparent from his "photo with grandma" shit-eating smile. Judging from his shirt he is a life-sciences student from Sault-St. Marie. Jess is putting up a damn good fight, but Brie has a very good argument. Jess should GET OFF THAT THING!

Oh now this is just fucking great. Matt and Courtney successfully risked expulsion from the bar by getting on this little suppository-shaped table. I like the dynamism and sense of precariousness they created up there. Matt has clearly staked out his space, and he's riding that table like an old hat. Courtney, however is way too caught up in the moment to make a serious go of it, but she is still enjoying herself and trying to stay on the thing, and that's really why we play the game. Let's call her "Player 1.5". Jess and Brie are both aware of who the real threat is, and their fingers are pointing directly to Matt. Being confronted with such a demand has clearly stunned Matt, and his face is saying "Wha--? Are they telling me to GET OFF THAT THING?!!?!?" He doesn't know what to do. No chance. But who would have one? Jess looks like she means business here. I was right, she is a better "Player 2". She is using the wrong arm here, but still keeps the body position open and the facial expression clear. I think Jess's point lacks a little authority in contrast with Brie's, but that's like playing footy with Mia Hamm. Brie's point is great, but overall I've seen better stuff from her. Closed body position and totally hidden facial expression.


RESULT: ALL ARE WINNER!